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Date:2016-03-29 15:42
Subject:
Security:Public

... hey, everybody. I think it's safe. They're gone. We can come out now.







Guys?

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Date:2011-12-19 14:23
Subject:SPOILER
Security:Public

Hi Livegernal! I'm posting from the future with this exciting plot-twist:

On the 18th day of the 12th month of the 2011th year after the birth of some dude, dinerjunkietotally marries bussboy. This is a good thing that causes much happiness.

So, as we say in the future: YAY!!!

May their marriage be as fun as the opposite of whatever this cat is having!

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Date:2011-02-16 22:16
Subject:Tossing a Dwarf Salad
Security:Public



This was just introduced to me. This is an actual movie.

Let me say that again. This is an actual movie.

It seems like a joke, given a) the premise; b) the voiceover narration that's oddly reminiscent of that family-comedy remix of The Shining trailer; c) the premise; d) the wealth of notable movie stars in what is clearly destined for direct-to-video purgation; e) the premise; f) the premise; and g) the fact that Gary Oldman is playing a dwarf.

"In the role of a lifetime," no less.

Gary Oldman is playing a dwarf. In a movie filled with actual "little people" actors.

Which begs the question: why is this "the role of a lifetime?" Is it because, what, it's so brave of him to play something so hideous and weird and bizarre? THERE ARE ACTUAL DWARVES IN THE CAST, NARRATOR! YOU KNOW THEY CAN HEAR YOU, RIGHT?!

Now, of course, the fact that this movie exists isn't Gary Oldman's fault (although, can anyone tell me WHY he said yes to this role? Answer: no, no one can), but according to the 30 seconds of research I did, much of Oldman's role was filmed with him ACTING ON HIS KNEES.

This raises the deliciously awkward scenario: when they were done with a take, did he stand up and stroll over to craft services as his smaller castmates glared with resentment as this giant steals not only the choicest snackfoods on the table, but one of the few leading roles that could've actually gone to a dwarf actor? Or, equally awesome, did he stay in character with the rest of the cast, like some lilliputian Jane Goodall, hoping they forget and accept him as one of their own?

This is a real movie. This actually got made.

I'll tell ya, I'd be at a profound loss if there wasn't such a neat, uplifting moral so clearly expressed in this trailer. "When the going gets rough, it's only the size of your heart that counts."

So, you know, just thank the Lord you heart has no developmental disorders that might have made it physically smaller than a normal heart. 'Cause then you'd be fucked.

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Date:2011-01-10 12:26
Subject:I Remember Laughter
Security:Public


How much do I love the fact that I just signed onto Livejournal for the first time in, like, three decades, only to find no less than five posts from friends commenting on how this was the first time they'd signed onto Livejournal in, like, three decades?

Almost as much as I love the fact that, when I signed on, I got a little pop-up window asking me if I wanted to continue the post I had started to write the last time I was here. THE DRAFT WAS STILL THERE, WAITING FOR ME!!! How much faster will the internet run now that I'm not clogging it up with an aborted LJ draft?

You owe me, World Wide Web. Enjoy your slightly smoother and more expedient pornographies.
 


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Date:2009-03-21 17:53
Subject:
Security:Public


I'm rerecording my first album, Pet Symmetry, and have a batch o' new/old tracks on my Myspace profile. You should go listen to 'em and tell me what you think!

Only, tell me here, 'cause who fucking looks at Myspace anymore?

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Date:2009-03-09 22:18
Subject:For Angela
Security:Public


 

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Date:2009-01-20 10:03
Subject:Scary Math
Security:Public

I just realized. At 27 years of age, 29.6% of my life has been under the presidency of George W. Bush.

I had only been out of high school for 7 months when he was inaugurated.

No wonder I'm such an angry young man.

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Date:2009-01-19 14:47
Subject:Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh
Security:Public

Guess who's cleaning out his desk today . . . !!!

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Date:2009-01-06 12:11
Subject:Opening Tonight!
Security:Public


Remember when I wrote that play? Well, now you don't have to read it!

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Date:2008-12-26 11:47
Subject:
Security:Public

So, I've been working at the box office for the Bodies Exhibit at South Street Seaport for a couple o' days during this, the Holiday Seesaw, and one of the neat behind-the-scenes Trivia Fun Facts is that, after every sale, we're supposed to enter in the customer's country or zip code. Now, most of the time, you either don't want to ask, or it's too busy, so you end up just making shit up (sorry, market research). The computers are all fancy enough to be preprogrammed to recognize all US zip codes, so it becomes a fun game of plugging in random numbers and seeing if they come up as zips. While doing this, I discovered my favorite town name in all of America.

03227. Center Sandwich, New Hampshire.

Center Sandwich.

Center Sandwich.

Center. Sandwich.

I know it's named after the Sandwich Isles, and crap, but, for some reason, that combination of words just strikes me as so wonderfully magical. Center Sandwich. "I live in Center Sandwich, New Hampshire. It's near Northern Cole Slaw, and just across the river from East Bagochips."

What a wonderful place it must be to live there. And how incredibly odd that every customer I've had at my window is from there!

"We love cadavers!!!!!!!"

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Date:2008-12-07 16:54
Subject:A joke for you
Security:Public

Who has no internet and hates not having internet?

This guy.

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Date:2008-11-29 13:25
Subject:Let's have ourselves a champagne jam
Security:Public

So, for America Hates Poultry Day, Alexis and I went up to Lungeyeland to hang out with my mom and feast on a meal at Bryant and Copper, a painfully fancy steakhouse, graciously paid for by my painfully well-off cousin. Now we've got left-overs to eat for at least a week! Yay, food!

Worst part of the day: my mom, who has MS, tripped up the stairs and banged herself up pretty well. The fall itself wasn't so bad, though, and nor was it an MS-y slip up. It was an honest trip that anyone coulda made, but she spent the rest of the day beating herself up for it, and feeling more handicapped than she deserved to.

Best part of the day, by far: because she was kinda shaken up by said fall, a few minutes later, she introduced me to her neighbor's 10 year-old daughter, and then introduced Alexis as, "My son's lover." The kid blanched, and my mom burst out in hysterical laughter, claiming she meant, "This is my son's girlfriend, who I love." It's always a successful holiday when you can scar a kid for life.

And lastly, despite the fact that LJ has been a bustlin' activityland for a while now, I might not be online for a little while as we can't afford to pay our interweb bill at the moment. So, in the meantime, remember me fondly, while I try to somehow scrounge up the cash to make Time Warner cease being such a cockblock.

Yay, economy! 28 days and counting without a job!

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Date:2008-11-26 10:50
Subject:"Well, you know, I was like, why NOT combine that Skynard song and that other guys' song . . . ?"
Security:Public

Kid Rock really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really should not have a Storytellers episode.

Really.

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Date:2008-11-13 15:49
Subject:What's the opposite of a misnomer?
Security:Public


Way to kick ass, Savage! Keep it up!

"You're taking my rights away, and I'm interrupting."

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Date:2008-11-10 17:23
Subject:
Security:Public


"Well, it's okay, sport, it's natural to be confused. Lemme start from the beginning. The first thing you fucked up was . . . "

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Date:2008-11-10 12:35
Subject:Remember that guy?
Security:Public


An open letter to joshacid :

You've made your point. Stop being a dick and come back.

I've got all these snacks . . .

Yours,
Hank Williams IV

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Date:2008-11-04 21:29
Subject:
Security:Public

If we're to believe MSNBC and CNN, it's over. Our boy has won. Man. Man. Man.

Here are some more phfotos from truckgelalala's wallmap.

Photo 1283.jpg

And my representation of Alaska. Note the banana clip.
Photo 1282.jpg

I can't wait to be done with Republican bullshit.

And Rachel Maddow's purty. And if Al Franken wins, I will be an ecstatic electric boy.

The world is changing in front of our friggin' eyes.

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Date:2008-10-31 11:30
Subject:
Security:Public


Last day at New Line. Sad. I shall miss this place and people for sure.

So, to cheer me up, here's a meme stolen from king_duncan!

1. Go to Flickr
2. Search "Halloween [The Year You Were Born]"
3. Post your favorites

1981: Best Party EverCollapse )

Also, I'm incredibly irritated with airline commercirals right now. Anyone else feeling that? Two, in particular. And I keep having to see them over and over again, either on TV or on those small little elevator monitors that tell you how stocks were doing 45 minutes ago.

First off, there's this one (which, despite seeing 400 times this week, I can't find online for the life of me, so I'll just use my narrative skillz): a guy in a nice suit walks out of a building, and then someone (one assumes his secretary) runs up to him with some papers, and then another person comes up and starts measuring his arm, and then another person runs up to him, and another, and another, and a golf cart, and a woman with food, and OHMYGODTHEENTIRECITYISRUNNINGAFTERHIMDOWNTHESTREET!!!!! And then it cuts to him sleeping in a bunk on an airplane, all alone save for a sexy flight attendant, who whispers, "Good night, Mr. Douchejug," and he's all safe and warm and in the fetal position, practically sucking his thumb. To which I say: Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, Mr. Businessman. So many people are trying to get in touch with you! With the suit alterations and the catering and the golf buddy. "Wah! So many people are trying to give me things and help me! Waaaah! I wanna nap on the plane, so the hot Asian stewardess will tuck me in, possibly diaper me, and let me jack off on her later! She even knows my name, 'cause this is essentially a high-altitude brothel!"

(EDIT: I found it!
)

And then there's this one. Another one that pretty much says, "Hey, Asian stewardesses'll blow you! Good for you, Richie Rich!" I mean, the end, when the phallic plane pulls up towards the window, the guy gets a martini from the hot lady, and then she opens her lips ever so slightly as she walks away. Come fucking on.


I mean, a) the economy is so piss poor right now that anything that caters to this level of luxury should just get slapped in the face, and b) shouldn't there be some sort of law that says commercials need to be at least slightly subliminal about their sexuality? 

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Date:2008-10-28 12:21
Subject:
Security:Public

Greatest. Gif. Ever.



One week to go, y'all. Don't get cocky.

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Date:2008-10-24 21:43
Subject:LostLostLostLostLostLostLostLost
Security:Public

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


http://spoilerslost.blogspot.com/2008/10/first-real-promo-for-season-5.html

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